What you are about to read is a BITTER PILL, if you are temperamental to the extent you can not comment constructively, I advise you jump this post or you read without commenting.
The rate I see divorce here and there is totally alarming, some couple wed this saturday and divorce the next saturday. Issues like this has left some of us single ladies/men sceptical about getting married. Some people will tell you that it is better to be single and wish you are married than to be married and wish you are single.
This development has left me in fear as I wouldn't wish to part of such situation. And because of this fear, I have dedicated some of my time in finding out the cause for this divorce rate especially in a country like ours where such scenario use to be a bad omen. In my course of trying to find out, I noticed this very peculiar reason, although its not the only reason but I want to talk about it extensively.
This is 21st century and so many things have really changed, we no longer live in the era where a man is the sole provider in the family unlike the way it use to be during the days of our forefathers where the men are Okpata aku (provider) and the women are Oriaku (consumers of wealth). Now, providing for the family is almost a 50/50 responsibility between the husband and the wife.
During those days when women were Oriaku, women were like zombie because men acquire them like properties which sole purpose is for child bearing... A man marries a woman and treats her like a television set that uses remote, she doesn't have a voice, everything the man says should have a response of "ye and amen" from the woman.
Things have changed, people now marry for love, women now work and also provide for the family, women are now educated and enlightened, women now have a say in the society... And here is where the problem is coming from. Nigerian men have totally accepted that a woman should no longer be a dependant! But they don't want to accept that women should no longer be treated as dependants, most of them wants to be the sole pilot to a plane that should be piloted by two pilots... You can not be the sole pilot when you have a wife.
Men fail to understand that the way you treat a lady you buy pants for is not the same way you treat a lady that takes care of herself without your assistance. Why do you think some women stay in an abusive marriage/relationship? They do because they can't help themselves, they can't take care of themselves/kids if they leave... The man has become a semi god to her and her life will be in a sorry state if she leaves. This is why you hear some of them say, "I can't leave because if I do, there will be no one to train my children and help me financially", the ones that seek for divorce are the ones that can actually take care of their needs and that of the children without you.
If you actually know that this is 21st century where women ought to be working and take part in the responsibility of taking care of the family's financial needs, you should also know that she ought to take part in the decision making of the family.
Submissiveness by women in marriage shouldn't be an avenue for intimidation, some men turn themselves to boss instead of husband... I always tell men who care to listen, no gender has the monopoly of anger and jealousy in marriage/relationship. Some will tell you that because they are men, they can cheat but women can't cheat (this is a very nonsensical perception), they fail to understand that the same way they feel anger when cheated on, that's how a woman feels anger when cheated on. When a man starts understanding that a woman has a heart that feels pains and anger just like his does, then he will start enjoying a happy home... When a woman gets angry and reacts "oh no, she doesn't have to because she is a woman", but when a man does, "oh yes, he is a man, so he has every right to"... They forget that no gender has the monopoly of getting angry and reacting when provoked.
A woman should be submissive to her husband, but that doesn't mean the husband should turn her to zombie... There is a limit every human can stretch before exploding.
Things have really changed in our society, as you are grabbing the ones that favours you as a man, that's the way a woman is grabbing the ones that favours her... And if you want her to respect yours, it will also be good you respect hers too for there to be a balance... If you think a woman shouldn't have a voice in marriage, then you shouldn't accept her to do things that gives her right to... Everyone deserves to be respected, just the way she respects you, respect her too.
WHAT IS GOOD FOR THE GOOSE IS GOOD FOR THE GANDER.
from Anita
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